i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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