were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
