so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
