i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
