Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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