We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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