Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
