Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
