Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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