He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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