Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
