Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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