yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
