Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
