He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
