Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
