he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
