She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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