i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
