The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
