Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
