hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
