3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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