The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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