so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
