Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have post one night stand depression
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