you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
