I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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