Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
