I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
