i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
