dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
