so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
