okay pat passed out under dana's car
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
