did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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