Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
