I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
