We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
