You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
