I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
