captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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