thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
