Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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