You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fuck appropriateness.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
