I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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