I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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