Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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