Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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