Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
