Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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