Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
