I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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