I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
