I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
