Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
