Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
