ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
