I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
