guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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