Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
