It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think my moral compass just broke
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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