i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
