My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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