Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
